Harry Potter Strikes Back
by UltraAuror420
Summary: PLEASE REVIEW FLAME ME WHATEVER JUST READ AND REVIEW
1. Compensation

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter all recognizable characters are J.K Rowling's intellectual property.  
  
Warning this is my first fic and all reviews, even flames, are welcome.  
  
Chapter 1: Compensation  
  
It was another scorching day on in Little Whinging, Surrey everybody was either running through sprinklers or enjoying their summer, except one. Harry Potter was sitting in the middle of the backyard; to a person who walked by they would think he was up to no good. But Harry James Potter was just staring at the clouds, which to his displeasure looked a lot like dogs. A single tear ran down his cheek as he remembered that day at the Ministry of Magic. Harry closed his eyes and bit his cheek in hopes of stopping his lip from quivering. His efforts were in vein for as soon as his teeth touched his cheek a sharp pain rose into his scar and quickly faded away. Harry hit his head and started to curse, "If it wasn't for this scar then he would still be alive." "Ahh but neither would you." "Who Said that?" Asked Harry "Your conscience dumbass, boy and all this time I thought we were intelligent." Harry sighed, "Even my conscience talks back nowadays."  
  
A large CRACK filled the air and Harry sprung up his hand goin instinctively to his pocket where his wand was kept. Harry plunged his hand into his pocket to find that his wand wasn't there. "Shit!" Harry exclaimed. "I thought your seeker reflexes woulda' had that wand in your hand before I could even get here." Came a deep and soothing voice from behind Harry. Harry turned slowly, he was wandless and not the best muggle fighter in the world, but he still turned. The man before him was not as Harry expected in muggle clothing. The man was about 6'1 with noticeable muscles in his shoulders and arms. He had dark tan skin and a face full of laughter. The man was dressed in baggy jeans in which Harry could see his boxers. He wore a shirt that said 50 on the front with the words G-Unit on the sleeves. He wore a hat backward and somewhat tilted. (A.N. I am American therefore MY character will be American in my image.) "Here" the strange man said to Harry and threw him his wand. "By the way, name's Matt." Matt said coolly, turning around towards the entrance. "You coming?" he asked. "Hold on." demanded Harry. "How do I know you don't follow Voldemort?" asked Harry. Matt sighed, "Would a coward of a Death Eater give you your wand back." Matt started walking towards the house and Harry followed. Harry walked into the house and headed upstairs. Meanwhile Matt went to talk to the Dursleys. "What is he doing here boy?" Uncle Vernon yelled at Harry. "I told you not to bring any more crack heads home." He yelled even louder. Harry ran down stairs and said "Oh him, he's here to take me away from this horrid place." "YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE TWIT" Vernon yelled making the vein in his neck stick out. At that moment Matt screamed "SHUT YO MOUTH BOTH OF YA." Both Vernon and Harry shut up. Matt went up to Aunt Petunia and said "Good to see ya gain Tunia." Harry looked bewildered and all Aunt Petunia asked was "Is it really you Matt?" "It is I" responded Matt. "I'm Here to pick Harry up from the sitters." "We are no baby sitters we are his family" Vernon Bellowed. Matthew responded coolly "Then you will not be requiring compensation?" Petunia asked "Compensation?" Matt then pulled out a roll of muggle money out of his pocket. Harry recognized it as American money. Matt sorted through and saw him pull out a total of $25,000. Matt then grinned and handed it to aunt petunia and said. "Yes, Compensation  
  
Sorry for The Short Chapter I promise the next chapters will be longer and more humorous. Read a Review. 


	2. Authors Note Warning of what may come

I don't have to do a disclaimer for this authors note hahahahaha. Dear Readers the very few that read my story) I'm Writing this Authors note to warn you about the stupidity of the next few chapters. My plan was to go through a whole story front to finish without and of it. Well now that's over, over the next few days and updates I plan on throwing in. Well, Everything. Here are a few ideas I had and a short summary for each one.  
  
What To Expect Embarrassing Snape...Harry catches Snape singing embarrassing songs doing embarrassing things in embarrassing clothing... could be the work of Lupin.  
  
What happens when Harry drinks mountain dew! Yes the infamous sugar and caffeine high  
  
Southpark meets the wizarding world... Infamous Cartman visits Diagon alley (may be thrown out.)  
  
And last but not least JAY AND SILENT BOB... This famous American duo will change my story forever and after all this... It gets serious. That is after all the drug use and laughter  
  
Peace Out  
Matthew Truesdell 


	3. Embarassing snape

I do not own Harry Potter, If I did there would be a lot more explosions FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE BOOOM:  
  
Chapter 2: Embarrassing Snape  
  
"So we're truly leaving... forever?" asked Harry. Matt looked at Harry and responded "Sure as soon as we take care of a few things." "What thin..." Harry however couldn't finish his question as Matt had pushed him into a car.  
  
"Didn't think they would follow me here!" Matt sad and punched the gas as soon as Harry buckled up. Harry just noticed two black sleek looking cars. "Damn, they have RX 8s." Matt exclaimed and shifted. Harry took notice of the speedometer that read 130 MPH. "Watch out for the!" Harry exclaimed just as soon as matt turned. "Give em and inch they take a mile!" Matt yelled while Harry noticed his American accent. Harry closed his eyes and blacked out as soon as Matt pressed a button on his shifter.  
  
"Harry...Harry... wake up." Harry heard a soft voice and opened his eyes to see Remus in front of him. He saw Matt in the corner looking unhappy and she heard Mrs. Weasley who was in the corner mutter "Damn Americans" Harry smiled. Driving in such a fast car was exciting.  
  
Over in the corner Harry saw Dumbledore talking to Matt. Matt looked sad whereas everyone else looked furious. Harry noticed quite a few death glares towards Matt. "Harry are you ready?" Dumbledore inquired. "Ready for what?" Harry asked frantically. "Sirius' will" said matt. Snape came over with a piece of parchment and handed it to Dumbledore who started to read.  
  
I Sirius John Black being of right state of mind. And of no being of coward ness bequeath the following items and demands.  
  
The premise of my estate being Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, London is endowed to Harry James Potter. 50% of my gold and anything else in my vault is endowed to Harry James Potter. I endow 40% of my gold to the Weasleys. I endow 10% of my gold to the Order of the phoenix  
  
Harry James Otter is to be in legal custody of Matthew Taylor Truesdell and all money and estates endowed to Harry are Truesdell's until Harry Reaches Legal age. Also the box in the attic marked, Truesdell, is legally bound to Matt.  
  
Harry gasped; he was very rich and, he didn't have to stay with the Dursleys. At this Mrs. Weasley said, "After dinner Harry you'll be off." "Harry went upstairs to think. "I'm not going back to the Dursleys" and with that he fell asleep.  
  
Harry woke two hours later and headed downstairs. Harry heard something that sounded like "Hit me baby" Curiosity took the better of Harry and he opened the door a crack. The sight before him amazed him. Standing there before Harry was Snape. But, it couldn't be Snape, the man before him was in a skirt. No... Make that a mini skirt and he was singing some weird song that happened to go like this.  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
Oh baby, baby Oh baby, baby  
  
How was I supposed to know  
  
That something wasn't right here  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
I shouldn't have let you go  
  
And now you're out of sight, yeah  
  
Show me, how you want it to be  
  
Tell me baby  
  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got  
  
By this Harry was starting to giggle  
  
My loneliness is killing me  
  
I must confess, I still believe  
  
When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
  
Give me a sign  
  
Hit me baby one more time  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
The reason I breathe is you  
  
Boy you got me blinded  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
  
That's not the way I planned it  
  
Show me, how you want it to be  
  
Tell me baby  
  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got  
  
[CHORUS:]  
  
My loneliness is killing me  
  
I must confess, I still believe  
  
When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
  
Give me a sign  
  
Hit me baby one more time  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
The reason I breathe is you  
  
Boy you got me blinded  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
  
That's not the way I planned it  
  
Show me, how you want it to be  
  
Tell me baby  
  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got  
  
Now whenever She said hit me baby. Snape would pull up his skirt and smack his butt.  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
Ah, yeah, yeah  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
How was I supposed to know  
  
Oh pretty baby  
  
I shouldn't have let you go  
  
I must confess, that my loneliness  
  
Is killing me now  
  
Don't you know I still believe  
  
That you will be here  
  
And give me a sign  
  
Hit me baby one more time  
  
My loneliness is killing me  
  
I must confess, I still believe  
  
When I'm not with you I lose my mind  
  
Give me a sign  
  
Hit me baby one more time  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
The reason I breathe is you  
  
Boy you got me blinded  
  
Oh baby, baby  
  
There's nothing that I wouldn't do  
  
That's not the way I planned it  
  
Show me, how you want it to be  
  
Tell me baby  
  
'Cause I need to know now what we've got  
  
I must confess that my loneliness  
  
Is killing me now  
  
Don't you know I still believe  
  
That you will be here  
  
And give me a sign  
  
Hit me baby one more time  
  
Harry was laughing openly now. He duck down and rolled on the floor at this time Snape noticed him. He pulled out his wand and advanced on Harry. Out of nowhere Matt showed up noticing the music and the outfit on Snape. Matt waved his wand and said "Petrificus totallus." Then he screamed. "LUPIN" 


	4. Authors note READ

Authors note (I swear it's the last one)  
  
I'm Sorry if I offended anyone with any of my American references and jokes it was my sisters idea (damn her) and it was my Brothers idea to apologize (YAY HIM) now if that was what was keeping you from reviewing than now you have no excuse if you would please review or flame any way.  
  
Matt Truesdell  
  
P.S I will not be updating until I receive at least one review. P.S If you accept my apology you will Review me and tell me so. PLEASE 


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